Dec 31, 2012

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

I hope that you are well.
Today is the last day of what has been a terrible year for us.
In 2013 we have to pray to be together again.

Nikki will have her baby in a few days.
That is cool.
I hope that the baby is ok.
It's a girl.
If I had not told you.

I think that she is going to be called Annie Rose.

I hope that in 2013 we'll have a good year again, and we will be allowed to hold one another and see one another.

That's all I want.
It's all I've ever wanted.

Love you
Daddy xxx

Dec 30, 2012

Hi S n K

Daddy is very tired today.
I drove a lot. But walked further.
The phone died today, I took too many pictures!

I hope that you are ok.
I am sad.
Missing you so much.
I really don't want to be here alone, I need you.
I want to see you and hold you.

I really really miss you.
I love you.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Dec 29, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Hi kids, how are you doing?
I took a drive today.
2 hours to get there, walked 2 hours when there, then 2 hours to drive back.
It was a nice place.
A castle made 2000 years ago (almost).

Why are you not imessaging me?
Are you bored with me?
Do you not want to talk for a while?

I miss you
I love you
Wish you were here with me

Love always
Daddy xxx

Dec 28, 2012

Hi S n K

Today I found sand and wrote you a sand message.
How i have missed the beach, and sand.
I wanted to take off my shoes, and socks, but it was just was cold.
I was scared that I would get sick.

I miss you both
I love you both

Nikki will have her baby on Wednesday (if not sooner).
I got her a box of chocolates.
It will be from all of us

I just ate a sandwich, first food of today!
I got hungry at around 3pm but there was no where to eat
Bummer

I miss you both
I love you both

Love always - Daddy xxx

December 27, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
Well, technically you are probably just waking up.
I didn't get up to much today.
Just a little grocery shopping and then I walked around a small village.
I found a Church that was built in 1201, it's 811 years old!
WoW
Can you imagine anything that old, still being ok?
I couldn't.
It was amazing.

I got a manicure today - it's the 2nd one in 4 months!
A man did it.
Didn't like it though, he did it like he did not care.
Shame.

The car is going well.
She's a little dirty on the inside.  But that is ok.
It's beige/white inside, silly color for the floor.
I think I'll change the mats to be black.  That way the dirt won't show quite as much.

I really miss you.
Lots of Love - Daddy xxx

Dec 26, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

I meant to write this earlier, but now it's getting late.
I miss you.

I went for a drive today, and got double parked, I had to fight my way out of the parking space!

The rain has been awful.
Wow.
Like maybe we will float away.
I hope you and Kaitlin are well.

I spoke to Brian and Nhu and B, B, Annie, Kevin yesterday at the hospital; and I saw Gong.
I hope he gets better.
How is Ma doing?

I love you.
I miss you.
I wish I had you to hold.

Your Daddy
xxx

Dec 25, 2012

Happy Christmas.
I did get to talk to you today.
That made my day/week
Thank God that we have found that FaceTime works between us.

I have missed you so much.
Grandma said I have to do what is right for you - so I never know if calling/texting you makes you sad, because I need and want to see you everyday.  But if you don't I will understand.

I ate too much today of Grandma's cooking.
When I got to the apartment that I am staying at I fell asleep.
Wow
Usually I am ok.
But I think it was the turkey.

Please tell Kaitlin I miss her too.
Love you
With all my heart.
xxx

Dec 24, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
Today (Christmas Eve) is a lousy day.#
I miss you.
Very much.

The weather is awful here.
Wow; so much rain and wind.
Gale force wind.

My ear infection is not really clearing up.

I will spend tomorrow (Christmas Day) with Grandma and Grandpa, along with Nikki and Uncle Mike and Oliver.  Hopefully Nikki will have her other baby soon.  She wants it out! 

Sitting at a friends house in Leatherhead, the wind is coming down the fireplace so hard!  Wow; it's making me jump.

This week I have Sky on TV.
I have super fast Internet.

But what I want for real is you.  Both of you.

I love you
Wish I could hold you.

Love
Daddy xxx

Dec 23, 2012

Hello S n K

How are you both?
Where are you today?
I texted with Brian, but you did not go to Nhu's house
They are going to work today as well.

Wow; as I typed this I got a text from you.
Yeah, made me feel happy!
Miss you mini-me
Really really miss you.

Today I went driving - just for the heck of it.
I almost drove through a huge puddle, but I was not sure of that!
I didn't want to ruin the car

You can see the pictures here:

http://gascoinetran.shutterfly.com/pictures/4038

Hope that you like them.
Love you and hope to talk to you on Tuesday (Christmas)
Daddy xxx

Dec 22, 2012

Hi Mini Me and Princess

Guess what, the world did not end!
Not really a surprise is it!
LOL
Anyway hope you are both well.
Thank you so much for the pictures.
You both look awesome.

I miss you both.
I love you both.

Do you miss me?

Today I should have gone to a festive thing with Vathani, but it was cancelled, too many people have the flu.  Shame. 

I ended up in the village, and ate a big lunch!
It was very nice.

Lots of Love always
Daddy xxx

Dec 21, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both, last day of school today?
I am not staying with grandma and granddad this weekend, I am staying at a friends house.
She is in Ireland.
I will house-sit for her.
I  might move here in the new year.  Not quite sure yet!
It's a nice apartment.

Parking is very tight though!

I miss you both and love you both.
I hope that you are ok.
I hope that mom is treating you well.

Love you
Daddy xxx

Dec 20, 2012

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

So wonderful that you got the presents - the blankets.
They were designed for you.
With my picture on them so as you could cuddle me when you went to sleep.
I hope you like them.

I will write you a letter soon.
I've been remise and just sent texts, emails and this blog.
I should also send letters properly.

I don't know what mom thinks or does anymore.
I don't question her.
I am paying off the credit card bills, that I run up.
Once they are paid off, I will start to put more money aside for you here.
That way you'll get the benefit of the exchange rate.

I am so sorry for what happened in April.
When they came for me, I did not expect they would send me to England.
Just a slap and some time in jail/detention and I'd be back with you.
I did not get the chance to say good-bye.
I so dearly wanted to tell you.
I never wanted to hurt the most precious persons in my life - you and K.
Mini-Me, I am sorry.  But please know that I was forced to leave you.
That I miss you so much.

When you saw me in jail, I was embarresed and scared.
I thought that you would hate me.
I thought that you would never want to see me again.
Thankfully you don't hate me.  You love me.
All i need is a text everynow and again to tell me that you miss me, that you love me.
That you want to be with me.

Without you both my life is shattered.
Ruined.
I dream of the moment that I will see you again at the airport.
I relish that time.
I need that time.
I will take whatever time I can off work; and spend it with you, morning noon and night.
I don't want to let you go again.  Not ever.

I bought a newer 4S iPhone so as I can FaceTime with you via Aunt Tina.  Brian did say that mom is using the one from the States, but she has not told me so I am not sure what her plans were/are with that phone.  Good for her if she is using it.
I would hate that it is just sitting around gathering dust.
When the iPhone 5 is cheaper I might get one of those.
But maybe not.  I'd rather send you an iPad if you want one.

I am so alone here.
I miss you and Kaitlin.
I miss the laughter that we shared.
I even miss the times we fought.
I wish that you were here.
Or that I there.

I hope that I get to hold you.
I hope that I get to see you again.

Mini-Me & Princess I hope you are ok.
I hope that you remember your daddy.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Dec 19, 2012

Hi S & K

How are you
Hope you are both well.
I am ok.
I had some bad news yesterday in so much that I will not be working at all next week.
Loss of money.  But that is life.
Hopefully come January I can make up the three days lost.
Who knows!

It is all good.
Can't change it.
Wish I could.

Wish you were here with me.
Really and truly.
Mini-Me I miss you so much.
I miss your smile, your laugh and the fact that we argued about homework.

Princess i miss your smile, your laugh and shopping with you.

I miss holding you both.
I wish I could be there.
I wish I could make things better for us.  Go back to 3 years ago.
Go back in time and know not to help Aunt Tara.

It's a lot harder than you think being without the two of you.
Not knowing if I will ever see you again, hold you, smile with you.

Gosh I just want you with me.
Love you both - Daddy xxx

Dec 18, 2012

Hi S n K

Hope you are both ok.
Hope K that you are 100% better now.
Other mummy and aunt Tina let me know that you went to hospital.
Mummy let me know know that you returned home and are better.

Today daddy has a migraine.
It sucks.
I get more and more of those each week now.
I think stress.
I think the fact that I miss you so much is getting to me.

When do you stop going to school?
Are you there all this week?

I really love you and miss you.
I really hope that I will hold you again soon.
It's been a very long time since I got to hold you and hug you.

I hope that you still love me and remember me
You looked good on Friday when I saw you via FaceTime.

I love you
Miss you.
Your Daddy xxx

Dec 17, 2012 - Kaitlin Sick

I heard today from Aunt Tina and Stephanie that K was sick.
That she went to the hospital.
S, please tell me via Text/Viber if something like that happens again.
I worry about you both.
I hate that I cannot be there to help you, to hold you.

I truly miss you both.
I wish I could hug you right now.

I wish I were there with you.

I love you.
I am hurt too.
I know that you both are.
I am sorry this happened, and that we are 5,664 miles apart.
I am so sad.
I am depressed.
Only the thought that you would be there eventually for me is keeping me going.

Love you
Daddy xxx

Dec 16, 2012

Hi S n K

Last night I went to the Christmas party for the office.  It was very nice.
The hotel was built in 1793, and was just amazing.  So beautiful.

http://gascoinetran.shutterfly.com/pictures/4005

That's the link to the pictures that I took.

It was amazing to talk to you the other day.  I have missed you both so much.
Seeing you both and Stephanie, Tammy & Benton (with Tina) was the highlight of the month, and my Christmas present.
Thank you.

I know that it is as hard for you as it is for me.  I just want you to know that I am always here with/for you.  I need you.

I really, really miss you.
It is a long time until I can hold you.  But I will hold you both again.  Please don't forget me.

Love you both so very much.
Daddy xxx

Dec 15, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

It's 4 months today since I arrived in England.
Last night we got to see and speak to one another.
That was awesome.
What a wonderful Christmas gift.

I hope that you both know that I love you very, very much.
That you are all that matters to me.

I miss you both so much.
I also miss Stephanie, Tammy & Benton.
Plus Aunt Tina and Uncle Ted.
Plus the B's.
I wish I could be there with you all again.
It is not going to happen for a long time.
More like 4 years 8 months.  Sorry guys,

Never forget that I love you.
Never forget that I miss you.
Never forget me.

Love always - Daddy xxx

Dec 14, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Today is grandma and grandpa's wedding anniversary.
They have been married forever.

Good for them
I'd hoped to remain married to mommy but she doesn't want daddy anymore.
It's ok, she's not to blame.
She's made the right choice.
I was a bad husband.
I am a bad father.  I didn't mean to leave you.  I had no choice, the Police took me.
Don't be scared of the Police though.  They will always protect you.

I hope when you are older I can explain this properly to you.
Right now, I can't.  Not so you'd understand fully.  I'm not being patronizing, I'm being honest.
I should have changed my status, and then none of this would have happened.
But I didn't and then the bad things that happened to me happened.  I can't take them back. I really wish I could.

Sebastian, not even for a second did I not love you.  Ever since you were born, you and I have been linked.  I feel so bad for not being there with you, for not making life easier for you.  I wish I could.

I want to punch myself.
I want to hurt myself.  To remedy the situation.  I can't though I have to be strong for you.

Love always - daddy xxx

Dec 13, 2012

Hi S n K

Hope you are sleeping well.
I am at the office.
I will take pictures one day and send to you.

Just want to do that when no one else is here.
This morning I got here too early and had to wait outside. 
Was very cold.
Maybe I'll get keys later.

I am walking to work as often as possible.
But the car is very tempting to bring.
Just only when it rains, that way I save gas.
Plus, I don't just start Lexus for a 5 minute drive.
That is not good for the engine.

My fingers hurt with the cold.
I think i will get frost-bite soon!
Hope not.
But it certainly is cold.

Miss you so much
Love you with all my heart
Your Daddy xxx

Passport Forms

I now have an appointment at the US Embassy in London on Jan 4th.
This will allow me to get the passport forms signed and sent to you.
Once that is done, I will also send the money for the application and then you can in the summer, if you want to and mom allows you visit me.

Dec 12, 12

Today is December 12, 2012
Or 12-12-12

Weird when that happens isn't it.

I forgot to give grandma the rent this month, thought that I had, but seems that I did not - they are mad at me now.  They should have told me that I'd forgotten to pay them, then I'd have given them a check.  I did not forget on purpose.

I figured that they would have asked earlier.
Guess not
But that also explains why dad was testy with me this week on certain other things.

I miss you guys
I love you guys

Love you always & I hope that you don't forget me.
Daddy xxx

Dec 11, 2012

S & K

I got your text and am happier.
Glad that you got the stuff for Cmas.
There is more on the way.

I hope that you are ok.
I hope that you miss me.

Stephanie is going to arrange that we can all get together over Christmas and talk via FaceTime or something else - Skype?

Other Mummy said that she would tell me the Skype address!  That is nice.
I really want to Skype with you.

Love you both
Miss you both
Daddy xxx

Dec 10, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Just wanted to tell you that I miss you and love you very much
I miss you so much too.

Today I drove the lexus for a while; meandering through the small villages and thought how much nicer it would be if you were there with me.

Sebastian, please send me a text.
I do talk to Aunt Tina so I know that you are ok.
I also talk to Aunt Linda and know that before she leaves she will come and see you.

Love you both
Miss you both.
Trying to get the Embassy appointment so as you can come and see me

Love
Daddy xxx

December 9, 2012

Hi

Another day almost done for me.
Another one starting for you.

I wish that we were starting and ending them at the same time!
Alas, that is just not the case.
Oh well. Soon I hope.

I also hope that yo are not forgetting me, and you still love me.
It would be so nice to get that from you in a text.

I hope kids that you don't hate me.
I don't know if I could manage that. 

Being here is strange, there are times when I just lie in the bed and cry.
Then there are times when I think wow; what a shame this or that happened, but at least we are all alive.

You will always be in my heart.
Love you both
With all my heart  - Daddy xxx

December 8th 2012

Good evening Sebastian & Kaitlin

I am at the mid-afternoon point of another day.
Missing you both.  Very much.
I just texted you.
No response
I'm not surprised.

I might go and have some french fries tonight.
I am not sure yet.
I left the car down the street, did not drive today.
Took the train.

I went to a German Market
It was ok.

Miss you both.
Love you both.

Daddy xxx

Dec 7, 2012

Good morning
I am writing this before I head off for work.
I have a meeting today in the countryside someplace.
No idea where it is!
LOL :)

Hopefully I will get there on time.
I miss you guys.
I love you guys.

Sebastian this morning on FB there was a little boy facing the window, with a caption that said maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon everything will be ok.  I think that is you and I.  Soon we will be together again.

I know that you've almost not seen me in 6 months.
I hate that fact
I hate the fact that I can't just hold you in my arms.
God it kills me.

I wish for only that.  I just want to hold you one more time.
Sebastian, please never forget me.
Never forget that for the first 7 1/2 years I was there with you, every single day.
It has killed me that I am not there with you now.

I want you to be here so much.
I want to hold you.
I miss you.
I love you.

Kaitlin it is the same for you.  I miss you Princess, I love you.
I know that you are having a hard time without me too.  I hope that the iPad makes that easier, but I wish you would load Skype on it for me to talk to you both.

Love - Daddy
xxx

Dec 6, 2012 - A Text Received

Hi Guys

So I received a text overnight!
Yeah.
Made me feel so awesome.
So happy.
To know that you think of me.

Tonight I have to go to the store and get some presents for mum and dad.
It will be fun.
In England the stores only open later on a Thursday evening.
Quite a strange place this.

The Lexus is driving well.
It was ice-covered this morning, which is nasty, but quite funny!  I could not open the door or the windows this morning! 

I managed to get the car heated up in a short while and just drive to the office, as i need the car tonight - I would of course love to drive a long way everyday.

Last night when I went home; I took off for a short drive.
I've missed driving.
I really miss having you and or Princess in the car with me.

Lots of Love
Daddy xxx
Please keep emailing me.  I love you so much.

Dec 5, 2012

Hi Guys

How are you both?
I'm at the office

It snowed today.
I got to drive in the snow.
It was cool.
Nervous but cool.

I am going from work tomorrow to a town, to get some presents for Grandma/Granddad.
Then on Friday I have lunch with Vathani, Saturday out with work colleagues, and then Sunday I will go for a drive.

Since I have the Lexus back now, I know that I will be ok.
I had dreamed that I would meet my aunt and have a beige car - but I thought that I would get a BMW, however, the Lexus is very nice, and low mileage.

I wish that you were here with me to go for a drive.
This Sunday I might go to Stonehenge.  It is the place that there is a pencil drawing of in the garage at 2280.

I hope that you will get your Christmas Presents soon.

Love you both
Daddy xxx

Dec 4, 2012

I woke up today thinking of you.
It is so hard for us.
I am so sorry that we are not together.
Next week I have an appointment to get the passport applications signed for you.
I will then send them to the house

I have sent your Christmas present.
There is another coming from Oregon, via Aunt Sherry.
She kindly made something for you and Princess.
I hope that you like it.

I love you.
I miss you.
I can't wait to hold you.

God, Sebastian, the thoughts that you are going to forget me are horrible.
I am not looking forward to the 1st Christmas without you.

How is Other Mummy?
Is she ok.

Love - Daddy xxx

Dec 3, 2012 - Car for Daddy

Today my little ones, I managed to get a car for myself.
Sames as in the USA.
A Lexus LS400.
Old, but nice.
It is a 1996.
89,000 miles on it. Beige with cream leather interior.
Heated seats front and back.

It is very nice to be in, just like our old black one.
No tinted windows yet, and no special wheels, but that's ok.
I won't do that - because I'm only keeping it a short while, I hope.

Maybe a year, two at most.  Then I will get the Hummer.

I hope you are both well.
I met with my aunts (your great-aunts) today and my cousins (your aunts).
They all asked after you.

Lots of love
Daddy xxx

Dec 2, 2012

Hi Guys

Last night Daddy went to a party.
It was fun.
I tried new things, like dancing with other people.
I really had a nice time.

It was my friends 40th party.  It is hard to think I have known Vathani for 20+ years!  Wow.
It was also her brothers party.

Missing you like crazy tonight.
Wish that you were here with me.

Wish so many things were different.

Love you with all my heart.
Daddy xxx

Other Mummy - Surgery

I didn't know other mummy had surgery on Friday.
I just sent her a text to say hope she is better.
I hope you got to see her too.

Love - Daddy xxx

Dec 1, 2012

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Daddy went to celebrate a friends party last night.
She was 40.
Vathani (who I have known more than 1/2 my life).
I actually went to a club and danced.
I had a good time.

I still missed you though.
Miss you both so much.

I walked home at midnight, oh my it was cold.
Still cold 7 hours later!

Love you both
Daddy xxx