Feb 28, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

Brian sent me some cooking show thing, wow that guy (Gordon Ramsey) is mean!
I think it's Gordon.
Oh well; he'll learn.

In Britain he'd get away with that crap.
In America not so much.

I am going to try to get a neck massage today on the way home; my neck is really really bad, I hate feeling like this.

This morning coming to work; I hit all the red lights yesterday all the green.  It's quite funny actually. I also made someone pull over, because he was going to slow; and he did not like me being behind him!  Oops!  I didn't mean to scare him over.  It was just that he did not know the size of his ride, not my fault!

It's very quiet at the office this morning, I am the only one in here.  Mike who let me in is in the conference room playing on his guitar, and I am at my desk working (well sending you this blog).
Do you both still use your guitars?

I miss you both
I love you both
I wish I were there to be with you.
I wish we could be together again forever.

I am still wanting to move to Mexico, I need to be closer to you.
I just hope that when I move I get to see you more.  I hope mom will allow you to have a passport and that you'll both get to be there to see me.  If not you can come to the border and we'll talk through the Fence  Maybe Aunt Tina will bring you.

Stephanie took a video of T, B and Tina in the car going to school yesterday - that was awesome; really nice to see them all; and the sun in CA.  I miss the sun and I miss open spaces.

Love you both
Always and forever
Daddy xxx

Feb 27, 2013

Dear Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I hope that you are ok.
I miss you.
I love you.
I saw your video that Brian made too; that was hilarious!
Thank you for sharing that.

I shared that with Mom, and also with Nikki.
You look so adorable.  You are my amazing mini-me!

I know that it appears I left you, but I have not.
You are in my heart, you are part of my spirit, and you are in my brain.
Everywhere that you are, I am.
It is just geography that you are not here with me or I there with you.

I found a web-cam that shows me the ocean in Oceanside.
It is a live-feed.
The ocean is soothing, but more importantly to me it makes me think about us.
The drives to the beach, the places that we've seen the walking in the harbor all those times.
I miss it all.
I regret that I am not exploring more with you.

I will take more and more pictures for you here, but I want you to meet me in Mexico.
I think that we'll be better off in Mexico.
I know we will.

Aunt Sherry wants to go to Mexico too; which is cool.
She's a good person, like you both.

I wish I could hold you.
Big Hugs.
All my love - Daddy xxx

Feb 26, 2013

Good morning S n K

How are you?
How is everything there?
I was mad yesterday because you did not text me and tell me that you were/are sick.
But I wasn't mad at you, mad at Mom and mad at my mom who delights in giving me information 3rd hand
It is ok.
I will aclimitize to the way that things have to be.
I don't want to loose you and that is what scares me.

Scares me very much.
Sorry that I am not there with you and able to help you through being sick.
Remember before we used to go to the store and I'd help take care of you, as much as you'd take care of me!

That was always a nice treat.
A day together at the store.

Kaitlin, it is that time of year that you get sick more; so stay strong.
Miss you both
Love you both

Daddy xxx

Feb 25, 2013

Good morning S n K

How are you?
Hope that all is going well.
Hope that school is going well.

Thank you for texting Grandma this weekend that meant a great deal to her.
You are awesome!
But I tell you that all the time.

Nikki made cakes for the office today! That was nice of her.
I went rock-climbing with Gengiz and his kids yesterday - that was cool.

I miss you
I love you

I wish I could hold you again
Soon

I put on weight, so I have to exercise again now, I don't want to be fat again
How is your weight?
Are you ok?

Is Kaitlin ok?

Have you recovered from being horse yet?
The cold that you had - I hope so.
I hope that you are 100% now.

It is always nice to get texts from you, no matter the time;
I miss you and love you with all my heart
Daddy xxx

Feb 24, 2013

Dear Sebastian & Kaitlin

Thank you for texting grandma today that was very sweet of you.
What made you think of her?

I miss you.
I went and hung out with a friend from work; he has two kids a boy and a girl aged 6 and 7; they are quite cool.  We took them rock climbing that was awesome.

Daddy is very tired today and the computer is not working right so this is a short email, but I wanted you to know that I love you very much.

Love always
Daddy xxx

PS  I found an Aston Martin dealer about 20 minutes from the house!

Feb 23, 2013

Dear Sebastian & Kaitlin

Last night (my night) / your afternoon, I both spoke and saw you.  I also saw the B's and Other Mummy, do you have any idea how nice that was?

God guys I miss you.
I really and truly miss you and everything about you.

I'm not saying much today because the line above is the truth.

Uncle Scot berated me yesterday and said that he thought badly of me because I have not yet effectively paid off all the debts in America, well I haven't earned enough money to do that - it was quite hard to start over and get nowhere!

I love you both
With all my heart!

Daddy xxx

Feb 22, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?

Daddy is ok.

Wishing I’d get a text from you guys, it’s been almost a week now.

I had to make the font bigger on the email, my eyes were hurting this morning.

Weird, guess that I am getting old!

Maybe I need glasses?

I will have to go get that checked.

Today, Friday is a ½ day for me.  I need to get the laundry done, and see Grandma.

She has a letter there for me.

She will of course say hi to you.

How is school?

Work is ok. 

I miss you both very much, and love you both an amazing amount.

It is hard to get up and not see you, not take you to school and do all the things that fathers should be doing.

I hope that you don’t hate me.

Love always

Daddy xxx

Feb 21, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

I hope school is going ok.
How are you both?
How is mom?

I saw that you went to a restaurant (at least Kaitkin) and have several of the "my little pony's" I didn't think you were allowed those?
Anyway good!

Sebastian you look like you enjoyed the balloons at Grandma's house!
Good for you.

I love you both and miss you so much that my heart hurts each and every day
I wish I were there with you.

Even on days when the Police get shot (Encinitas - that happened today) I still want to return to Oceanside.

I am working with Uncle Gerry to get back there - or at least to Mexico so as I can start a new life again.
If he gets the funding then I am out of this drab awful country and over to Mexico to be nearer to my children and family.

Lots of love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 20, 2013

Dearest Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
Hope you are well.
Hope that you do something for Brian today - even if it is just to wish him a happy birthday!

I have a social life (somewhat) over the next 4 days!
Out with Siobhan (roommate) on Thursday (dinner) and then Friday (Die Hard 5 movie).
Out on Saturday with a friend and on Sunday I am having lunch with Gengiz and his family!
(Like I did last Sunday!)

Wow
Daddy is quite busy!
I also dropped off laundry today, because I can't do it at the house anymore.
There is no dryer, so when would I dry the clothes?

I really miss you and love you

I hope that you are ok and that you still love me

Love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 19, 2013

Dearest Sebastian & Kaitlin

Another day has passed!
Wow.
It is amazing.
I have been in England for more than 6 months now.
I have been at Siobhan's house (28 Church Street) for a month (almost)
It is amazing how time flys

I think of you both every minute of every day
I can only imagine how it will feel to hold your hand again, or to hold you tight to me.
I hope that you still think of me as much as I think of you.

Our love will never be broken.
I hope.

I have the license plates for you
But I need to ask Aunt Tina if I can send them to the shop - otherwise you might not get them for a lot longer time; I don't want to have to worry mom and send her to the mail office.

I miss you both
I love you both
I wish you were here with me, or I with you.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Feb 18, 2013

Dear SnK

How are you?
I hope all is going well.
I miss you.

Working 5 days a week is hard for me
The office environment is not for me, but I will learn.
I think I should go and get my eyes checked soon.

I was happy with the car.
Not a lot of money to get this serviced.
Thankfully.
Strangely it still squeaks on the brakes when it wakes up.
Within minutes she is perfectly fine.

I love you both
I miss you both
I am so sorry that I am stuck here and you there
I hope that I can see you soon

Lots of Love
Daddy xxx

Feb 17, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
Yesterday I played with Oliver, wow - he is a great kid, not as great as you two of course!
Today I meet Gengiz's (person who I work with) kids; they are awesome too!  But you're better.

What are you doing this weekend?
It's President's Day so you have a nice 4 day weekend.

I'm tired so this is a quick email.
But I know that you know that I miss you and I love you very much

Daddy xxx

Feb 16, 2013

Good morning S n K

How are you?
I miss you.
That's what i need to tell you.

I sent you a voice mail the other day, did you get it?
Did you listen?
Do you miss me?
Are you ok?
Are you ok without me?
I miss you so much.

I need to hold you
To be there with you.

Nothing will make me feel better until that happens.

I love you both so much
Love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 15, 2013

Good morning SnK

I just realized that you have today and Monday off from school
I hope you have a nice break!
Love you

I hope that yesterday was a good day at school and you got lots and lots of candy / cards.

I miss you both terribly.

Tomorrow I will have new brakes on the car, and then I have to take care of Oliver, that will be nice;
I wish I could be with you
I wish I could hold you, smile with you and see you
Hug you.

Do you still sleep with the blanket of me?
I have some more stuff to send to you, not sure how to do that yet!
I will figure it out!

It's a number plate from England, with your names, just for your door/wall so you can think of me more often.

My head hurts more and more these days which is a problem, but I will hopefully get over it soon.

Lots of Love
I will text you soon

Daddy xxx

Feb 14, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope that your day goes well.

Mine is ok.
But missing you even more today.
Last year we would have gotten stuff ready for the classmates in school and more.
This year ... I don't know whether mom will have helped you with that?
I hope that she did, and that she has the time.

I hope you are ok.
I miss you so much.
I love you with all my life.

Aunt Sherry sent me some stuff, which is very nice of her.
I get to have some Oreo's now!
Delicious.

Work is ok.
But I am doing 5 days a week, yet get just 3 days pay.
But better than no pay.

I will hopefully start to get 5 days worth of pay from April for working 5 days.
I still work with John but in a much more limited role.

I am very sorry for what happened to us.
Not sorry for me; but for you.
The two of you and mom got hurt more than anything else.
I wish I could make that better.
I wish I could have seen what would happen by my actions.
I knew that there would be a problem, but that was not what I anticipated.
Sorry.

I hope that in time we will be together again.
I am doing what I can to get back there.
But I know that I will never be back in 2280 with you.
Mom doesn't talk to me, or text me, or email me at all.
I think she (rightly) hates me
I don't expect that she and I will ever be together again.
But that is ok.
We will still be together, in our hearts, in our minds.

I love you with all my heart
Daddy xxx

Feb 13, 2013

Dear Sebastian & Kaitlin

Another day without you.
But, you did text me.
That means the world to me.
Thank you.

I finally slept last night
It's been 4 days since I had a nights sleep.
I think I will start to be in bed by 11pm from now on.
I need that.
I wake up around 4am some mornings!  But try to stay in bed until 6.

I miss you
I love you
I want you to be happy
I want to see you and hold you
I need to hug you

Every day is an awful day because we're not together
I wish I could be together with you both.
At the beach in Oceanside (even the pier Sebastian which you don't like) or in Carlsbad.
I miss all of it!
I need all of it
I need you

Love always
Daddy xxx

Feb 12, 2013

Good morning SnK

The texts and FaceTime calls make me feel special!
I love them.
I don't care what time of day they are.

I want to see you/talk to you anytime all the time.
You mean everything to me.
Literally.

I am trying so hard to stay strong here
It is very hard.
I am so sad all the time!

The joy is talking to you and texting you.
I live for that!

How are you feeling today Sebastian, yesterday Kaitlin told me that you were somewhat sick; I hope you're better.

Brian texted me this morning and told me that he is sick also.
Bummer.
I hope you did not get him sick
But if you did, it is the way that things go.
Rarely are you sick.
It's been a very long time.

I wish you'd both send me a letter.
You have the address.
I mail you a package each week;so as you know that I think about you all the time.

Sorry to hear about Brian's grandmother dying.
I hope he's ok.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Feb 11, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

It was awesome to get a call from you this morning Kaitlin.
Shame that mom did not want to talk to me.!
That is life.

It was also awesome to speak to you both yesterday.
I love being able to see you - iMessage is a wonderful system.
FaceTime is great !

You can call me at any time; I don't care what time it is here.
I love to hear from you.
Always.

The job is ok here.
I am still working with John, and hope that I will soon get to come to Mexico and be able to see you.
But that is a way away yet.
If John gets funding that might be sooner, hopefully he will want/need me to come to be closer and on the same time-zone with him/you.
That would be awesome.

I know that California will not be a home again for me; at least for a while; but one hopes there is a chance, at the very worst I can have you guys sponsor me and then I can come back, but I am not sure that it is the right way forward.

I miss being in California, and i miss you both.
So much

Love you
Daddy xxx

Feb 10, 2013

Good morning S n K

I hope that you are well; and that you are enjoying the New Year festivities with Other Mummy and the kids.

I miss those.
I miss you.

I wish I were there to go to Santa Ana and to have fun and to be with you.
I wish I were there to hold you.
To love you.

You mean everything to me
I think of you all the time; I just want to be with you.

From the second you were born I was hooked on you.
Together.

Strangely some of my shirts shrank this week!
Damn
I think I will just get a larger size, or maybe after a few washes they just shrink.
I was a Medium in this one brand, but a large might be too large.
I don't like shirts too tight!

How is everything in school?

I will order the license plates today for you both
That way you can have something like that forever from Daddy!

I hope that you still use your blankets and cuddle me!
I miss you both really really much

Love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 9, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

What's new?
Here, pretty much nothing.
There?
I don't know - you haven't texted me all week.
Wish you would.

I miss you both so much.
It is nice that I can text you both now though
I walked too far today and hurt my knee.
I had to limp for a while, and then drag myself upstairs!
Not that much fun.

I saw a nice Audi R8 this afternoon.
I wish that you were there with me to see it.

I miss you
Last night was hard, I was panicking that I might never see you again
It was strange

I love you both so much
I don't have a life, because I want it to be with you and without you in it I feel empty and lonely and just plain old sad.  Everyday I am sad.

Love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 8, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
How is school?
How is mom?
I hope you are ok.

I just want to remind you that I miss you
I love you and I need you.

You still mean everything to me
You will always mean everything to me
Nothing will ever change that

I am ok here
I guess
I want to come home
But know that it is unlikely
I think mom and I are pretty much over, but that is ok
She and I will get over it!

Just wish that we could be together again
I really miss you
So very much

Every day all day I think of you both
What I can do to be closer to you
What I can do to be next to you
What I can do to remain a part of your lives

Love always
Daddy xxx

Feb 7, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I hope all is ok for you.
I know that you miss me, and that this is a hard time for you.

Hopefully it gets easier as time passes for you.
That is all we can ask for right?

I am at the office 5x a week now.
That is good - gives me less time to spend doing whatever I do on the days off.
I joined the National Trust last night - that means I can get into lots of old buildings and park for free I should get the parking pass and membership card in a short while.

I have a temporary pass now.
On the phone!
I put all on the phone.

I'd like to get an iPhone 5, but they are still so expensive.
I love taking pictures, but the phone is limited in it's ability.
But still you get the general idea about what is going on when I send the pictures.

Last night was the 1st time I cooked since March!
I made the eggs that we used to like.
Do you still get them?
Does mom make them for you?

I know that mom treats you well; but I miss you so much & I need you.

I am working hard to get something together for Mexico, but that will be in a year or so.
Hopefully sooner if John gets funding for the projects and wants me to work more with him.
He has hinted he's close again to funding -but I have been down that route.

I got irritated with Sherry (the lady who made the blankets for you) this morning - she thinks I should only be talking to her and no one else; that is just not going to  happen is it; I am sorry but I can't be chastised for everything that I say all the time again.

Love you always and forever
Daddy xxx

Feb 6, 2013

Good morning

How are you?
I am ok.

I got Facebook messages from Kaitlin last night that made me feel really good.
It was 3am my time; but I don't care.
I love getting messages from you both.

I am at the office this morning but I will take a 1/2 day today.
I think that since they are  not paying me for 5 days a week, I should be able to work at my leisure and have a 1/2 day every now and again.

I miss you both
I love you both

This morning I set up email for Kaitlin
it is kgascoine@outlook.com the password is princess1
just go to www.outlook.com to sign in.

You will be able to access this account anywhere in the world.
I just want it to be able to send messages to you both all the time.
Every now and again, I will check it and make sure that it is still active.

Love you
Miss you
Really want to hold you
Daddy xxx

Feb 4, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you today?

First Monday at school in February, don’t fret not that many left to go in February, and soon it will be June and you’ll be on vacation again!

Time goes quite quickly doesn’t it!

I am still happy that we managed to get the iPad and the iTouch to work perfectly again.

Now, I’ll text to both, and hope that you’ll respond on one or the other.

I really, really miss you.

Today is the start of the 1^st of 8 weeks working 5 days for 3 days pay.

I’m essentially investing my 2 days into the company to get a project that could pay out.

I spoke (via email) with Gerry yesterday.  He’s doing ok, still a little crazy with his grand dreams.

He’s thinking I can help him find investors, but I’m not into that side of business, just organization now.

I also emailed John, that was nice too.

Steve (who I met at ICE) moved this weekend; so he should be enjoying unpacking at his new home in Escondido

Love always - Daddy xxx

Feb 5, 2013

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
I hope all is going well.

I am ok.
I am work.
I like the office, but not liking going every-day!
Oh well; that is life.

Now I go Monday to Friday.
But I am going to try to get a 1/2 day on Wednesday's
Since they do not pay me to work 5 days, just 3 I think that this is ok.
I will see what they say tomorrow.
I might take a Friday off in March as well.

Grandpa was hurt yesterday.
He was lifting bricks and hurt himself.
He's gone back to work today
He will be ok.
I hope.

How are you with school?
Are you doing homework?
Are you getting along with Brian, and Britney and Britanya still?
Is Other Mummy talking to Tina now?
Hope that it is all solved.

The office has a problem client, I had better go and solve that.

Love you so much
Miss you with all my heart
Daddy xxx

Feb 4, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you today?

First Monday at school in February, don’t fret not that many left to go in February, and soon it will be June and you’ll be on vacation again!

Time goes quite quickly doesn’t it!

I am still happy that we managed to get the iPad and the iTouch to work perfectly again.

Now, I’ll text to both, and hope that you’ll respond on one or the other.

I really, really miss you.

Today is the start of the 1^st of 8 weeks working 5 days for 3 days pay.

I’m essentially investing my 2 days into the company to get a project that could pay out.

I spoke (via email) with Gerry yesterday.  He’s doing ok, still a little crazy with his grand dreams.

He’s thinking I can help him find investors, but I’m not into that side of business, just organization now.

I also emailed John, that was nice too.

Steve (who I met at ICE) moved this weekend; so he should be enjoying unpacking at his new home in Escondido

Love always - Daddy xxx

Poem for you

My children are very smart,
Both of them have a great big heart.
They both are growing up each and every day,
In their own unique and special way.
Both of my children are filled with joy,
I love them dearly both my girl and boy.
When I am sad and have a bad day,
Both of my children know how to make my hurt go away.
I love my children more than words could ever say,
I am very grateful that they are alive each and every day.
They mean more to me than anyone will ever know,
When the children are not around me the days seem to go by so slow.
Every day brings a brand new start,
After all my children are my heart.
I thank God each and every day,
That he sent two beautiful angels my way.