Jan 31, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
I hope all good.
I am alive.
Missing you both like crazy!
It hurts to miss you so much

I am working towards moving to Mexico, even if mom wouldn't bring you to see me at least you'd be on the same time-zone as me, and we could text one another freely and talk etc.,

Do you want me to call?
You always seem to be very busy with the games and more.

Tomorrow is the last of my three day work-week, next week I'll be in the office 5 days a week, but I only get paid for 3 - It's an investment of my time into the company -well i hope it is.

Lots of love
Please remember that I miss you so much every single day of my life
I am in agony at not seeing you or talking to you or hearing from you daily

Love you
Daddy xxx

Jan 30, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
Hope all is going well.

I miss you both
Very much
I think of you all the time
Wish I could go back in time and get to be with you and never have any of this b/s happen.
The best days of my life were when you were both born.
God I miss holding you

Love you very much
So very, very, very much

Daddy is losing his mind here, everything is so alien;
I don't really feel like going on anymore without you.

I will.
It is only time, but oh God it hurts like hell.

Love you always
Daddy xxx

Jan 29, 2013

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

I've been sleeping well in the new place.
But it was up and out earlier today than the norm!
That's ok though, I love the early morning starts
I left the house at 715, up at 620.

Oddly, Siobhan got up just before I left; but at 845 she's still not at the office, she might have gotten stuck in traffic, I'll always be early and then get to relax when I get into the office; rather than screaming into the office late!

Being late, as you know freaks me out!

How are you both?
How is school?
How are the B's and T's
Do you still go to ABC with Other Mummy and Uncle David?
Do you miss me?

I miss you so much
I wish that you were here with me.

Over the weekend here it rained and snowed again.
Nice, but not fantastic.
It is what it is.

I slipped on the snow going up a large hill, but that is ok.
I am over it now
I was in the car!
Could feel it go over to the edge of the mountain road.
Didn't really like that feeling.

Lots of Love
Missing you heaps
Daddy xxx

Jan 28, 2013

Hi

How are you both?
I hope you are ok.
I hope that it is not cold there.
It is freezing here!
I am cold.
I am cold all the time.
Sorry I don't mean to complain.

I got a good deal today, 4 Banana Republic shirts for £24
I don't think that they even have BR here in England.
I was in a department store and saw them!
Yeah!
A little bit of America for Daddy
The other day I saw a great leather jacket for the summer and got that too.

Today I went driving
Out in a Caterham Super 7
It was like being in a fast go-kart!
So good
Then after that out in a Bentley GTC Roadster
That was very nice
I liked that better
Who wouldn't

Tomorrow and the rest of the week I'll be in work.
Hope that school goes well.
Lots of Love always and forever
Daddy xxx

Jan 27, 2013

Good morning (yours when I write this)

How are you both?
I know I ask that every day

Brian said you usually cancel the texts when you get them from me, if you are playing a game on the iTouch.  I understand that.  Makes sense.

Did you get the emotions to come back on the iTouch?
You said you could not text the signs

Siobhan's place is working out - but of course there is little room to park.
I don't want to take her space!  That just seems unfair.
I came back and where I usually park there is nothing!

Yesterday I went up a mountain road and almost fell off.
That sucked.
But ok.  I did not drive over the cliff.
I hope you would miss me!

I really miss you both, and Stephanie, Tammy, Benton, Brian, Britney and Britanya. It is like you are all a part of me, but I can't have you again.  One day I will.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Jan 26, 2013

Hi S n K

So I have finally moved.
I hope to not have to do that again for around a year.
Then I will have to - as Siobhan is planning on selling this place next year.
It's all good.

I will go and return the suitcase I borrowed from mom and dad later today
Plus, I will be taking care of Oliver tonight.

I miss you and I love you.
I wish I could hold you again.
Even if it is just once.
I can't describe how awful it is to wake up and not see you or feel you.

I sleep with Blue and Yellow as they remind me constantly of you.

I talk with Sherry about Mexico, because she might be able to help me get there and get to see you quicker.
I don't know what to do to be closer to you.
It is all I want.
All I dream about and you are everything to me.

There is not a second of any day that I do not think of you.
I love you now and forever.
Daddy xxx

Jan 25, 2013

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I hope that school is ok.
Today I moved.

I am staying at Siobhan's house.
She has a three bed apartment, so I have rented one of the apartments.
I managed to get moved over before the rain came
Thankfully!
The rain would have been a huge pain
It is also supposed to snow again tonight!
Joy of joys

I have faster internet here
Yeah!
I'll expect that I will stay in the room as usual, but that is me!
LOL

I am going to babysit for Oliver tomorrow night
I will text you when I am there too

I miss you both
I love you both
Daddy xxx

Jan 24, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I am ok.

Yesterday I was offered a place to stay in Mexico when they finish their house.
I was also offered marriage to return to America. One of my friends who lives in Ohio offered to marry me to allow me to come home to the US.  Problem is that she lives in Ohio, and I need to be close to you.

I would be closer, but not close enough.
Still it is worth looking into isn't it?

How was your trip to the Carlsbad Music Museum?
I hope you had a nice time.
It was nice that Tina want with you also.
Very nice.
I got a couple of great pictures from Tina, of you and Tammy.
I hope to get more.
Tina also told me not to be sad, because you and her kids talk about me all the time; and love me!
That made me feel much better

Tomorrow I move.
Going to be a long hard day.
I also have a brunch with Vathani, (unless she cancels first thing in the morning)
I will visit grandma and grandpa often once I have left - Nikki too.
Probably!
I still plan on being out of the UK by June 2015.

Love you
Miss you
Wish I were there with you
Or you were here with me.

Need you always
Daddy xxx

Jan 23, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you today?
How is school.
How is homework.
Do you still have issues with the extra homework.
I remember fighting with you about that.

Mexico is looking better and better everyday.
I can't wait to go there and see you guys.
Do you want to visit England?
I don't mind if you want me to go to Mexico to see you.

Perhaps Tina will bring you across the border?
I hope that she would.
I could meet you all in Tijuana. Perhaps?
We'll discuss it nearer the time.

Maybe in the summer?
I hope that this would be good for you both.
And mom too.
I have no doubt that she does not want to see me.
Shame, but there we go.
If nothing else, I will be pragmatic about that.

I do miss you and Kaitlin.
I basically cry to sleep everyday because I miss you guys so much.
Being torn away from you on April 4th was just horrendous
I might never recover from that.

I mailed you some stuff yesterday and a card.
I hope that it comes to you soon.

Did Kaitlin ever get the bracelet I mailed?

Love you both
Miss you both
Please give Stephanie, Tammy & Benton a hug from me.

Daddy xxx

Jan 22, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

Yesterday I wrote I miss you in the snow on the bench in Grandma's garden.
Grandpa thought Grandma wrote it.
Grandma denied it.
They were then concerned that someone else was in the garden.
They did not even think that it was me.

Once I told them, they kind of understood it.

Odd isn't it!
Oh well

Did you like the picture with the snowman and the igloo.
I rarely take any pictures of me, because I hate the way that I look.
But I think that everynow and again, you should see me.
I hope that you will send me more pictures of yourselves soon.

I love you both
I miss you both
Wish I were there with you
Wish that I could make things better

Love always - Daddy xxx

Jan 21, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I hope that today you have a good day.
I know that you are off for Martin Luther King day.
We don't have that holiday in England.

I am at work tomorrow.
Thank God.
I miss work.
When I have work I have stuff to do.
That means that I am not just wandering the streets of London.

It was nice today to see your text that you miss me and want me to hold you.
I miss you too Sebastian.
God it hurts to not be there with you.
I feel like I am still in the jail.
I feel like I will never get out.

I hope that Mom is ok.
I hope that you help take care of Kaitlin.
I hope Kaitlin is becoming a nice young woman, and is a nicer person than before.

I know that I have upset you
I know that I have hurt you - but I want to make it better and see you.

I texted Sam (the hair guy) today - he is well.

Love always Sebastian & Kaitlin.
Keep smiling
I love you
Daddy xxx

Jan 20, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

Last night I slept a little extra.
How nice.
Wow.
Amazing actually.
I needed it.

How are you both?
Today I went for a drive in the snow.
Saw the supercars covered in snow.
Thought that you would like pictures of that!
So I did get them for you.

Then I just went to the park.
I saw a lonely snowman waiting on a park bench.
Reminded me of waiting for you.

Last night/yesterday afternoon, I watched some of the movies that we used to make in the store.
They were good.
A nice reminder, thankfully I took those
I wish that you could send me some more of you both.

Love you both
Thinking of you both
Daddy xxx

Jan 19, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Daddy is tired today, I slept for about 45 minutes last night.
Just not enough time really.  But it is all I got.
I did not drive today!
Wow.

Can you imagine.
Me, not driving?
It is still very cold, and the snow is all over the place.
Eww

Ice too
Now it is dangerous to drive - just awesome!  NOT

Anyway, hope that you are both ok.
Hope that you miss me as much as I miss you
It's a lot!
I want to hold you.
In my arms
I need you both.

Love always
Daddy xxx

Jan 18, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both
Today you have a day off school - again!
WOW

Monday too?

Anyway happy Friday.
Here in England it is snowing - badly.
I went for a drive, but then decided it wasn't worth it.
So I went for a walk.
Cold and refreshing.
Snow is ok walking
I don't really like the snow

The light and the weather and the cold make me very tired.
Shame
But that is life.
I might take a nap!

I love you both
Hope you both had a great time with Linda and the boys
Love always - Daddy xxx

Jan 17, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
I am ok.
Cold.

They say that tomorrow we will have one of the coldest days on record.
Wow
They advise that we do not go anywhere in the car.
I will probably not listen to that.

I hope that you are ok.
I miss you very, very much.
I need to hold you.
I need to see you.
I hate that I do not see/touch/play with you anymore.
I can't stand myself for this happening to you.

Sebastian, I know that you think I left you - but I was forced to go.
It is my fault thought.
Not yours, not Tara's, not mom's - MINE
I will never ever forgive myself for not being able to hold you again.

I want to move to Mexico so as I can be closer to you.
That way you could come and see me every weekend, or more, or whatever you wanted.
I hate, hate hate that I do not see you everyday.

I love you both
Miss you both
Daddy xxx

Jan 16, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
Hope all is well
I am ok.

I am talking with Siobhan tonight to discuss me moving to her house, I will rent a room there.  Grandpa and Grandma need some of their space back!

It's all good.
I hope she is not looking at lots of money.
That would be sad/bad.
If she is then I will have to re-think that!
It will only be until she decides that she is selling the house.

Then I will need to find alternate accomodation.
That will be crap!  But whatever, will have to deal with that at that time.

Oddly enough one of the people in the office made tea/coffee this afternoon and totally forgot me! it's ok but he had to walk past me to get to the kitchen!

Oh well.

I also moved seats today!
Nice.
Now I am closer to the door.
More better for me

Lots of love
Hope school is ok.
Hope you are ok.
Missing you terribly

Daddy xxx

Jan 15, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Hope that you are ok
Yesterday must have been a hard day to see Gong buried.
Did you go to the funeral, or stay at school.

Did you guys do anything for Kaitlin?
I hope that she gets the present that I sent soon.
It was a bracelet.
She should like it!

I can only hope anyway.
I miss you both.
I love you both with all my heart.

I have to change some forms that we have made today, which is ok.
I think that they are not correct.
I hope that I can make it easier.

Lots of Love
Daddy xxx

Jan 14, 2013

Hi S n K

How are you?
Guess what, it snowed today!
Gross
It is not sticking which is ok.
But where Fiona lives there is a substantial amount!  How nasty!

I will send you the pictures that she sent me ok.

How are you?
How is K?  How is Mom?  How is Tina?
Is all ok

I know that today you bury gong!  Sorry guys that I cannot be there for you.

I uploaded lots of pictures for you to see when you want.
They will always be there waiting for you.
Like me, always there waiting for you.

I love you so much
I miss you so much.

Talk to you soon
Love - Daddy xxx

Jan 13, 2013

Happy Birthday Kaitlin
I miss you
I did get to see you this morning on FaceTime.
That was so nice
Shame it was so quick
But that is all the time you had

I love seeing you though
You do look funny missing some teeth.

I did 400 miles this weekend, to see a friend get a cake, and see older places where i used to be

I did manage to get to see and touch some sand
and smell the ocean.
I've missed that.

Love you both
xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN KAITLIN

Jan 12, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

I hope you are both ok.
I miss you.

I know tomorrow is Kaitlin's birthday, and I wish I could be there with you.
I remember what happened last year, I hope that this does not happen again.
Did you get the cards from Grandma?
Did you get the card and the present from me?
I hope that you like it all.

I am at a friend's house in Wales, so only a short blog today.
Just wanted you to know that I miss and love you with all my heart.

Daddy xxx

Jan 11, 2013

Dear Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
What's going on with school?

Do you still have a girlfriend Sebastian, and Kaitlin do you have a boyfriend, of course I'd like to know who they are.
Maybe you can give me a clue?

How is mom?
Is she ok?  Is she coping without me?
I hope so.
I just don't want to hurt her anymore.

Today I went to the park, walked around for about 2 hours.
Later I will go to Nikki's house, and hang out with the new baby for a while.
Not too long though!

Aunt Sherry is mailing me a new blanket for the car!
That is nice.
I hope that you still cuddle the one that she made for you with my picture on it.
I am sorry that I am not there to hold you.

I miss you both so much.
It is not about me, it is all about you.
What is best for you.

The best thing for you is America!
Such a shame that it is not here - but since it is America, then I will live in Mexico a lot closer to you than here.

I love you both
I miss you both
I want to see and hold you both.

5 years seems like forever away

Love - Daddy xxx

Jan 10, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
I hope all is ok.
I am ok.

Last night my ears were bleeding! That is strange, but I think due to the earphones that I have.

I helped Brian get his mom's yahoo account to work again!
Nice.
He & Other Mummy should be happy now.

I talked to Adriana, and she is going to help me come to Mexico, which will be nice, and all my friends in San Diego will come visit as well.  That is awesome.  I might try to get a place with Rene when I can!

I just need to save money
Then I can be so much closer to you!

Hope that school this week is going well.
Love you - Daddy xxx

Jan 9, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How is the day going?
I am sending this very early today!

(well early your time)

I am still considering the Mexican move!
I hope that I will be able to do that!
I want to get there and then you both can come on the weekends to see me.
Is that ok?
I think that in June 2015 I will have saved enough to buy a year in Mexico with no worrying about a job and car etc.,
I can't come back to America until 2017 (late September or so) and even then it is not guaranteed, so I am thinking to do the next best thing.

At least in TJ or Encenada I'd be just 1 hour or so away and on the same time-zone.

892 days to go!
I hope of course that I will see you in England way before then.
I'd like for you to come to England this summer, and then again at Christmas, or I could come to Mexico for Christmas in 2013, would that be better - save you flying all over the world.  Easier for you to drive to Mexico and then meet me there right?

Ok, I really, really miss you.
I hope that you know that I love you with all my heart.

Daddy xxx

Jan 8, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How is your day?
How was the 1st day back to school.
Hope it all went well.

I am missing you like crazy today!
I always do.

I wish I were there with you.
I wish I had the opportunity to tell you what happend.
I will have that opportunity.

Grandma suggested that I have to find another place to stay soon.
Great news!  NOT!!

I think I will ask Siobhan if I can stay with her.
That would make life easier for a while anyway - at least until she sells her place.

I am giving serious consideration to relocating to Mexico.
I'd love to go there and stay - because I'd be 1 hour away from you and we'd be on the same time-zone which I think is very important.

Perhaps by then John will have the business funded and I will have income.
If not I will talk to Diana about making enough money to get an apartment and make life easier for me there.

I need to be closer to you.
I can't stand being this far apart.

Love always - Daddy xxx

Jan 7, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you?
I hope you are well.
I thought that you go back to school today - guess not. It's tomorrow.

I went to Richmond Park today - walked for about 4 hours.
Nice place.
In the summer, it will be even better.

Grandma asked me when I was planning on leaving the house.
I will soon.
I am not sure where to go yet.
Hopefully someplace nearby

Nikki wants to go for a walk with me next week.
Perhaps?
The baby is very cute.
Not as cute as either of the two of you.

I decided that in June 2015, I will move to Mexico,.
I am giving myself 29 months because I need to save money.
I want to go there in August 2014 and maybe even this year.
But if I move to Mexico at least I will be closer to the both of you, and on the time-zone.

It will be hard.
But it is worth it.
There is a better chance that we will see one another that way.

Lots of Love
Daddy xxx

Jan 6, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both?
I just told you this in an email, but I am thinking of moving to Mexico in a couple of years as that way I will be closer to you both.
I don't think that you will like it in England/France, because of the weather, and cold.
But we will try.
I will start to save some money (won't be a lot) and of course send you more when you want/need it but I will save to get a place there and a car there (not a Hummer, not yet anyway).

I don't know how I will do it, but I will.
I will learn Spanish again, and that way we can all talk Spanglish.!

I miss you so much that I will live wherever I can to be close enough to see/talk and touch you.
It kills me that I am here and you are there.

these are the pictures that I took today:
http://gascoinetran.shutterfly.com/pictures/4464

Lots of Love always - Daddy

Jan 5, 2013

Good morning Sebastian & Kaitlin

How are you both.
I am ok.
Missing you very very much.
Thank you for the texts last night - they mean so much to me.

It is odd, I am at Grandma's and it's 10a and it is getting dark.
Whatever!

Oh well.  It is life.

I love you and miss you
I wish you were here with me - both of you.

Lots of Love always
Daddy xxx

Jan 4, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

Today I went to the US Embassy.
I got the forms that I needed signed for you to get the passport so you can come here.

I was nervous at the Embassy, because they might not want to sign the forms for me.
Thankfully they did.

I think I have upset Aunt Sherry; but oh well.
I am not in the mood to care about others - just you and Kaitlin.

Aunt Tina told me that Gong's funeral was next weekend, both days.
I am sorry that I cannot be there to hold your hand.
I wish I could.

After I got the forms signed for you, I went to several London stores, and saw some stuff, including the McLaren cars, one of the people that dad knows, knows someone who works there.  Maybe when you come we can get to see them make one of the cars?

Or Aston Martin's of course.

God I miss you.
I want you both to be here with me to see what I see, to understand what happened.

I hope that you know that you did nothing wrong and it was all my fault.
I know that you know that I will make it all better

I really wish that you and I were together.
Love you - Daddy xxx

Jan 3, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

I meant to update this last night but when I got home I fell asleep.
Sorry.
I was out at Nikki's house, sitting for Oliver.
Nikki had her baby - a girl - yesterday evening.

Annie Rose I think is what they will call her.

How are you both?
I miss you of course, and I love you.

I don't feel so good today.
My back hurts, my eyes hurt too.
Strange.
Last night I was looking at the phone, and TV and my eyes went all fuzzy and I could not stand up, I think I am just too worried about visiting the US Embassy for the notary tomorrow.

I will let you how that goes.
Lots of Love - I am babysitting again tonight.

Daddy xxx

Jan 1, 2013

Hi Sebastian & Kaitlin

I start the new year off without you, as you do without me.
It kills me.

I know that it hurts you as much as it does me.

Today I drove around a while; went to Kingston and walked by the river.
I was / am so sad.  Without you I am lonely.

I don't know what to do; who to have fun with.
I have no one.
I only want you.

I really miss you both.
I have the appointment with the US Embassy on Friday, hopefully they will sign the paperwork and then that should be ok to get the passports sorted out for you to visit me.

You can stay here with me if you want.
But I know that Mom wants you to go home.
So you and her have to make that choice.  Ok?

I love you both
I miss you both
I wish you were here with me

I wish I could fix this mess.  I know I created it and I know that you know what happened by now, but never think that I would not go back if I could.

I miss America
I miss being close to you and our family.

Love always - Daddy xxx