Dec 20, 2012

Hello Sebastian & Kaitlin

So wonderful that you got the presents - the blankets.
They were designed for you.
With my picture on them so as you could cuddle me when you went to sleep.
I hope you like them.

I will write you a letter soon.
I've been remise and just sent texts, emails and this blog.
I should also send letters properly.

I don't know what mom thinks or does anymore.
I don't question her.
I am paying off the credit card bills, that I run up.
Once they are paid off, I will start to put more money aside for you here.
That way you'll get the benefit of the exchange rate.

I am so sorry for what happened in April.
When they came for me, I did not expect they would send me to England.
Just a slap and some time in jail/detention and I'd be back with you.
I did not get the chance to say good-bye.
I so dearly wanted to tell you.
I never wanted to hurt the most precious persons in my life - you and K.
Mini-Me, I am sorry.  But please know that I was forced to leave you.
That I miss you so much.

When you saw me in jail, I was embarresed and scared.
I thought that you would hate me.
I thought that you would never want to see me again.
Thankfully you don't hate me.  You love me.
All i need is a text everynow and again to tell me that you miss me, that you love me.
That you want to be with me.

Without you both my life is shattered.
Ruined.
I dream of the moment that I will see you again at the airport.
I relish that time.
I need that time.
I will take whatever time I can off work; and spend it with you, morning noon and night.
I don't want to let you go again.  Not ever.

I bought a newer 4S iPhone so as I can FaceTime with you via Aunt Tina.  Brian did say that mom is using the one from the States, but she has not told me so I am not sure what her plans were/are with that phone.  Good for her if she is using it.
I would hate that it is just sitting around gathering dust.
When the iPhone 5 is cheaper I might get one of those.
But maybe not.  I'd rather send you an iPad if you want one.

I am so alone here.
I miss you and Kaitlin.
I miss the laughter that we shared.
I even miss the times we fought.
I wish that you were here.
Or that I there.

I hope that I get to hold you.
I hope that I get to see you again.

Mini-Me & Princess I hope you are ok.
I hope that you remember your daddy.

Love always
Daddy xxx