A Day With No Texts

Yesterday was hard.  October 2nd and I received no texts from Sebastian, or Jenny.  I repeatedly asked for information and yet i was ignored.

I know that it is an effective way to torture me, by Jenny but honestly even for her attitude towards me now, that was way, way harsh.

Sebastian texted me this morning telling me that he was not allowed to do so yesterday but that he wanted to and he was so happy that he could today.

He was unable to text me, because he had to do reading and I assume that she thought that an adequate incentive to get him to read.  He only got 91% on his Language Arts class so certainly he's failing school and needs to have every second to read and do school work right?

I was nice and after the kids went to school I did send a nice text telling Jenny that I thought that this was crap and that she should not do that - but if she does in the future a text from her telling me that would be appreciated.

Of course, i erred and told Nikki (sister) and she's going to speak (via email) to Jenny now.  Whatever, I think that my relationship with Jenny is over so what.  I guess nothing will ever resurrect it and quite frankly I am not sure that I need/want to be with someone who is so cruel and vile. 

I certainly would not have done anything so bad as that to her.  But then again, I'd have forgiven her for cheating on me, or for lying, or for running up the bills (credit cards) or for anything.  I'd have done that for the kids.  Really and truly, no question in mind at all. Yet, now I am here in England alone, and have no hope of ever returning to the United States to be with my children.

I am giving serious thought to suing for full 100% custody of the children, and having her have to come here to get to see them  Then I could play the same silly games that she is, and make her anxious and upset and worried all the time about the safety of the kids.

But I wouldn't.
I couldn't be that cruel.

Wish I could be.
Hell I even think that I doubt I will ever have another woman in my life, and that I think that I will just live until the end alone.  I don't expect anymore to get to hold Sebastian or Kaitlin in my arms until they are teenagers.

I am already planning in my mind that I doubt America will allow me to return.  I might go to India.  Perhaps there is a need for a person like me to work and live in India, and see how that goes.  I would love to be there.  Maybe I can be.

Back to the children, they love me and I love them.  They also love their mother, and that is ok.  I don't like her anymore, she threw me away, when times got hard, and there was no need for that.  None at all. 

Now she wants a family and she can have that.  She's going to have to get a new man, and she's welcome to that too.  I will be alone, waiting for the day that the children walk back into my life and stay with me forever.

At least today I won't cry myself to sleep thinking the terrible thoughts that I had last night when I did not get to talk to them.